It has been ages, its not that I have nothing to say, its just that once I got a little behind it seemed completely overwhelming to back track and fill in the gaps, so if things are jumpy and confusing thats just the way it is!
In just 126 DAYS!! I get to marry my best friend in the temple, and I am so excited! Its been a long and frustrating road to planning a date and truthfully, a lot of feelings have been hurt in the process. But now that its mostly dealt with we are getting very excited!
AND we are house searching! (so any tips you have send them our way;) We are looking to buy, we just arent sure where or what, but we have faith that it will work out.
I feel so blessed to have Kevin in my life, and knowing that in a little while we will be sealed together for all eternity is mroe than I ever thought it could be. He is amazing.
Anywho, thats all for now!
126 ;)
Friday, October 5, 2012
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
A post?
Its only been over a month, so far Im not doing much better at blogging! I'll try!
Im still doing the happiness project, and it may just be coincidence, but gosh darn it, I think it works! (I'll do a proper happiness project update one of these days)...BUT I am happier than EVER!
Although that may be greatly due to someone rather than my project, but hey, it all plays a part right?
Really there isn't a whole lot to say, Im just incredibly busy and counting down the weeks (3) until I don't have to work saturdays anymore and can have my life back!
Im still doing the happiness project, and it may just be coincidence, but gosh darn it, I think it works! (I'll do a proper happiness project update one of these days)...BUT I am happier than EVER!
Although that may be greatly due to someone rather than my project, but hey, it all plays a part right?
Really there isn't a whole lot to say, Im just incredibly busy and counting down the weeks (3) until I don't have to work saturdays anymore and can have my life back!
Thursday, January 26, 2012
The Happiness Project (#2)
Month one of the happiness project is coming to a close, which doesn't mean that I stop with goal number one, rather that I add goal number two...Number one was to "Be Gretchen", basically to be yourself, which is a huge accomplishment for me! And I love it!
February's goal is, "Let It Go"
February's goal is, "Let It Go"
I resolve to keep things in perspective.
One of my resolutions is “Remember how little most things matter in the long run.” Also, I’m trying to be less defensive when I make mistakes.
I hate to be wrong, I hate to screw up, I hate to forget to do something – and it really bothers me when I do. I want to bore everyone with my endless explanations, justifications, and excuses.
That comes directly from the author, but it fits me to a T, so in the spirit of saving ya'll from my boring explanation I'll just leave you with that!
Bring it on February and goal number TWO.
Friday, January 6, 2012
I have a goal.
Before I start, ya'll should be proud, Ive nearly updated as much this year as I did the entire last year....
But any who, I have a goal. I am going to read and follow "The Happiness Project". Actually Ive already read it once, but Im going to re-read it...And in keeping with the theme:
Personal Commandments:
1. Be Gretchen
2. Let it go
3. Act the way I want to feel
4. Do it now
5.Be polite and be fair
6. Enjoy the process
6. Enjoy the process
7. Spend out
8. Identify the problem
9. Lighten up
10. Do what ought to be done
11. No calculation
12. There is only love
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Lately
Lately I can't sleep. Its not really a new thing, Ive never slept much at night my entire life...but the anger and anxiety I feel when I should be getting ready to go to bed is new. I have no idea whats going on. I am exhausted, but without fail by 9pm I start getting anxious about going to sleep....I just can't bring myself to shut the light off and go to bed. I am so tired, by 6pm I feel like I could go to sleep for the night, but as soon as it gets to a time when I actually can go to bed, NO SLEEP. And not just no sleep, but anger. For no reason, none that I can figure out at least. Its driving me nuts. Id like to sleep more than from 3:30/4AM to 5:30AM sometime.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Keeping it all together
Im not very good at balancing things, my life is probably no more chaotic than anyone else's but I feel like everyone else can keep it all together so much better than I can, at least thats how it appears from the outside.
I thought I was pretty good at faking it, but lately, Im not. Maybe I take too much on, maybe I expect too much of myself, maybe that failure thing I talked about last time, just maybe I set myself up for failure along with everyone else in my life.
But this is the time for change right? What better time then now to change things, even if that change means simply not caring.
I thought I was pretty good at faking it, but lately, Im not. Maybe I take too much on, maybe I expect too much of myself, maybe that failure thing I talked about last time, just maybe I set myself up for failure along with everyone else in my life.
But this is the time for change right? What better time then now to change things, even if that change means simply not caring.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
This is rare..
..not that Im posting again so soon, although that too is rare, but that Im posting something so personal, yet so vague. It might not make any sense, but thats ok, Im trying a new thing this year. I am being me. Regardless how that changes your opinion of me. So here's to a better, more honest me, here's to more blog posts, here's to random ramblings and telling people how I really feel.
My blog is now going to be a place for me to write, to get things out of my mind, to record things, not a place where I try to please people, I am no longer going to be interested in what I think people will want to read, if you don't like it don't read it. I am ok with that :). Its about me for a while. No apologizing for length, or rambling, or plain not making sense anymore.
Also, this post isn't about any of my friends, so don't feel singled out. I love my friends dearly.
"I don't want us to fall apart today or ever, you're the one who said you'd never leave. Theres no good reason for giving up, all this mess is just bad luck. So please don't lose your confidence in me. I wish I wasn't so fragile, because I know that Im not easy to handle. I don't want to feel like this, but Im so tired of missing you. And I don't want to beg for your time, I want you mine all mine. I bet you smile when you think of me."
I don't typically like to make New Years resolutions, I think its kind of a cliche, that if there is something in your life you want to change why do you need to wait for one specific day to change it? However, I am learning that it can be a powerful time, that it can give you the motivation and the guts to actually do what needs to be done. I am also learning that sometimes, more often that not, what needs to be done is the very last, and very hardest, thing to do. And when you finally open your eyes and accept that you can no longer blind and fool yourself it can seem easier to try and fool yourself some more than to actually fix the issue. And it truly sucks when you know you can't do that, when you know without a doubt what has to be done.
I have a hard time with change, I think thats fairly common actually, but I do, even when the change is for the better. Even when the change means cutting out the negative. Change is hard, change is unpleasant, change is work, BUT change opens the door for better, happier, more positive things. Even though at the time more positive, happier things are hard to conceive, they're still there. I think I fear, and I hate change to the point that it actually makes me feel ill, it makes me doubt myself, second guess what I know to be right.
I feel like such a failure, my life is nowhere near as together as it should be and the people I thought were important to me, people I thought mattered let me down. Maybe its that I expect to much, or that I expect to be let down so I set people up for failure. Its probably the latter one. But regardless, I thought I had it all figured out, I don't. Not a single thing I thought I wanted or I thought I had planned out works, and the people I thought I could rely on? I can't. Maybe thats my fault. Maybe I push people away. It is easier, safer, smarter to rely on nobody. Its not worth being vulnerable. I guess I feel like its better to not need someone than to come to need them only to have them not be there.
I find it funny, that something can disgust you so much, and make you feel like complete crap and so used and worthless, yet be entirely humorous. Not knowing whether to laugh or cry or be angry, or, better yet, to just move on. Patience doesn't always pay off my friends, patience can come back to bite you in the behind in a big way. But, jokes on you, not me. Because I know who I am, you might not, and thats your loss, and either way, I am going to be just fine, and I have faith that karma is a big, fat, jerk.
Actually, I have a lot of faith in a lot of things. I have faith in true friends, I have faith in God, I have faith that if I do what is right, no matter how hard, I will be blessed.
So, its a new year, and as silly as it is, its time to make some changes.
My blog is now going to be a place for me to write, to get things out of my mind, to record things, not a place where I try to please people, I am no longer going to be interested in what I think people will want to read, if you don't like it don't read it. I am ok with that :). Its about me for a while. No apologizing for length, or rambling, or plain not making sense anymore.
Also, this post isn't about any of my friends, so don't feel singled out. I love my friends dearly.
"I don't want us to fall apart today or ever, you're the one who said you'd never leave. Theres no good reason for giving up, all this mess is just bad luck. So please don't lose your confidence in me. I wish I wasn't so fragile, because I know that Im not easy to handle. I don't want to feel like this, but Im so tired of missing you. And I don't want to beg for your time, I want you mine all mine. I bet you smile when you think of me."
I don't typically like to make New Years resolutions, I think its kind of a cliche, that if there is something in your life you want to change why do you need to wait for one specific day to change it? However, I am learning that it can be a powerful time, that it can give you the motivation and the guts to actually do what needs to be done. I am also learning that sometimes, more often that not, what needs to be done is the very last, and very hardest, thing to do. And when you finally open your eyes and accept that you can no longer blind and fool yourself it can seem easier to try and fool yourself some more than to actually fix the issue. And it truly sucks when you know you can't do that, when you know without a doubt what has to be done.
I have a hard time with change, I think thats fairly common actually, but I do, even when the change is for the better. Even when the change means cutting out the negative. Change is hard, change is unpleasant, change is work, BUT change opens the door for better, happier, more positive things. Even though at the time more positive, happier things are hard to conceive, they're still there. I think I fear, and I hate change to the point that it actually makes me feel ill, it makes me doubt myself, second guess what I know to be right.
I feel like such a failure, my life is nowhere near as together as it should be and the people I thought were important to me, people I thought mattered let me down. Maybe its that I expect to much, or that I expect to be let down so I set people up for failure. Its probably the latter one. But regardless, I thought I had it all figured out, I don't. Not a single thing I thought I wanted or I thought I had planned out works, and the people I thought I could rely on? I can't. Maybe thats my fault. Maybe I push people away. It is easier, safer, smarter to rely on nobody. Its not worth being vulnerable. I guess I feel like its better to not need someone than to come to need them only to have them not be there.
I find it funny, that something can disgust you so much, and make you feel like complete crap and so used and worthless, yet be entirely humorous. Not knowing whether to laugh or cry or be angry, or, better yet, to just move on. Patience doesn't always pay off my friends, patience can come back to bite you in the behind in a big way. But, jokes on you, not me. Because I know who I am, you might not, and thats your loss, and either way, I am going to be just fine, and I have faith that karma is a big, fat, jerk.
Actually, I have a lot of faith in a lot of things. I have faith in true friends, I have faith in God, I have faith that if I do what is right, no matter how hard, I will be blessed.
So, its a new year, and as silly as it is, its time to make some changes.
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